Stuck

Yoga:  20 minute DVD
Other:  therapy, about 20 minutes at the gym
Bloating:  5
Cramping:  4
BM Satisfaction:  8

I feel nauseous right now and I have no idea why.   I felt like this before dinner, ate dinner anyway, and now it's back.  

Okay, lots going on today.   I am not sure what to focus on.   Last night I was feeling good after dinner, then had my pear juice (a recommendation from my GI for constipation) and definitely noticed I felt much more bloated afterwards. I had been suspicious of it for a while but I wasn't sure - since I'm usually bloated after dinner, it's hard to pinpoint whether the juice was a problem.   When I was in treatment, I drank PlumSmart juice with my evening snack, but it's not available back here in Canada.   

Pear juice is high in sorbitol and fructose.   Sorbitol is a known gas-creator, but fructose can also be, especialy if a person has fructose malabsorption.   Since gas is such a big problem for me, I have been reading up on the FODMAPS dietary approach to treating it - by reducing the consumption of foods containing sugar alcohols that can create a big ol' fermentation feast in the colon.

I think I'm going to ask my GP to get tested for fructose malabsorption.  I don't think it's the only issue at work here, but I think it could be a piece of the whole IBS pie.

Moving on... it was a tough day body-image wise.  Still hungover from the Entourage-laden weekend, binginh on images of skinny women.  I wore jeans at work for the first time today, displaying my thighs in all their full, filled-in glory.   At lunch I saw my therapist and spoke about feeling stuck, hating being at this weight, but also knowing I wasn't happy when I was skinny, either.    That all I think about is how I can get the body I want without being eating-disordered, turning it over and over in my mind.    I mean, Demi Moore just tweeted her bikini-bod to the world, if she can look like that, why can't I.     Like a dog with a bone, I knaw away at this. 

After work I went to the gym.  But I was too late to join the "Body Pump" strength class, so I just did a few minutes on the elliptical, a few exercises with hand weights, some situps, and booted out of there.  I really, really hate the gym.   Especially a gym in which every surface is mirrored.   I don't really plan on spending a lot of time there - just a few strength classes, maybe 2-3 times week.    The machines, the free weights... hate it.  I am much, much happier practising yoga.    I am looking forward my Brian Kest DVD arriving in the mail this week, so I can get do some more intensive work at home.