Satisfaction

Yoga:  20 minute DVD
Other:  shiatsu massage
Bloating:  7
Cramping:  3
BM Satisfaction:  8 (pretty freakin awesome)

Today I woke up still very bloated and was pretty uncomfortable all day.   Felt better after shiatsu, then even better after I got home and went to the bathroom.   I still don't have "complete" BMs but this one was pretty rad especially given how bad things have been for me lately.  

I got on the scale this morning and it was a pound over what I consider my "upper limit" weight.   Which bothered me all day.    That number, coupled with the bloating and the general badness of my IBS lately, made me consider not going to a family barbeque this Sunday.   These are relatives who haven't seen me since I regained weight.  I am sure they will be thrilled to see I now look like a normal adult woman.  But there is a part of me that worries they'll notice my rather ample gut and waist and think to themselves, "Why did she let herself gain THAT much weight?" or, "Wow, she really gains weight in all the wrong places".  I am very, very self-conscious about my middle.   I am an apple - and a particularly ripe apple at the moment.  

 I am also worried about how I'll feel on Sunday, will I be comfortable, will eating the rich food (my aunt is a phenomenal cook) and having some wine make me suffer more than it's worth.   I will also admit, I am a bit wierd about timing.    I am supposed to get to my aunt's house at around 3 pm.   Which is when I usually go to the bathroom.    So I am hoping I can manage to go before I leave my house, because for me it's a procedure far too lengthy to do at someone else's house.    I would love to get to the point when I can go in the morning.  As it is, I am constantly planning my day around having to be home in late afternoon.

I really like my shiatsu guy.     I have had a LOT of experiences with alternative practicioners who put so much empahsis on what I'm eating.   And their guidelines were often conflicting and invariably ruthlessly strict.    He and I talk about diet but as he says, IBS is 20% about what I'm eating and 80% what is going on in my head and heart.    As he kneaded my inner thigh (the Liver meridian in Chinese medicine, a key one for digestion.   Get your minds out of the gutter, people!) he told me that too much thinking is bad for my digestion.    I had to laugh - he now joins the ranks of men who have told me I think too much!