Thank You, Bowel!

Yoga:  1.5 hour Ashtange class
Bloating: 4
Cramping: 3
BM Satisfaction: 8 (it was truly a thing of beauty)

If only they could all be like today.   Things just worked well.    I did feel bloated after breakfast and would have liked to "go" then, but it only happened after lunch.   Better late than never.

I am really struggling with body image.   I feel that I look soooo much better at a lower weight.   When I'm slimmer, I have an actual waistline, so my body looks more womanly.   Some women find safety in anorexia because it robs your appearance of sexuality, reduces you to a narrow-hipped, breastless child.  That wasn't really my experience.  I felt sexier when I was slimmer, more feminine, more attractive to men.    The only thing keeping me from trying to shave off 5 pounds is the fear that at a lower weight, I won't regain my period, and I will be infertile.  Forever.

I am not sure I want kids at this point.  And realistically, at the rate I'm going, it seems unlikely it'll happen.  I haven't even been in a relationship for longer than a year.    So I actually find myself thinking, "Well you may as well be thin, then."    But that seems like a terrible bargain to make.    The idea that I would refuse to weigh enough to be able to perform a near-universal femal function of bearing children.    Kind of screams eating disorder, don't it.